widg‧et /ˈwɪdʒɪt/ [wij-it] -noun: Pointless ramblings from the New Forest. Obviously complete & utter Rubbish. Why must I contibute to all this endless talk about me? My self-indulgent knees, spilling themselves all over the internet. Obviously i am Jon and his hair, I AM HIM!

Friday, April 13, 2007

All In The April Evening

This may be a short tale of woe and wonderment from the vale of Thresher, the place where wheat and chaff will be parted, but 'tis most authentic nonetheless.

I have truly seen the seven wonders.

'Twas naught but a humble Thursday that in appearance seemed a day too near. Whilst my allies were far away, snatching the last of the sun from the golden gardens of beer, I steeled myself against the brewing storm. And on they came, wave upon wave of oppugnant bushwhackers, they had come to tirelessly vex my patience and brutally vex me they did.

A kumquat in hand, a heavy bloom of spring falling from my person, I fended off the ancient fivers & fake ponies with my trusty tuberculean spatula.

I hid the cider from the bulbous grunties, with their rotary engine tits, behind the silken llama pyjamas of regret. I laughed in their hockeypuck faces, my vibrant retorts dripping with oodles of schm-reduplication.

The wannabe heathen thieves were thwarted by mine own bouffant restricted eye, I sent them on their way to the mythical land of Belgium in search of snu-snu.

The poor imbecilic wench that so presumptuously demanded precious coppers of me with lashings of deceit and obfuscation was rewarded with a sour galosh of cockles and mussels and winkles, alive-alive-ho.

Following up the rear were a trio of tiny antagonists belonging to this endless and most ridiculous clan of angries. They brought with them their shoes and guacamole drenched nasal fluff and shouted as one, "Come ye brothers, let us loot what we can and sow dissent where we may!" They did try, bless 'em, but my beguiling, yet also withering vibraphone smile put paid to even their most dastardly plans and the weasels ran with their very real tails between their legs.

Me - Seven, Customers (Ha!) - Nil.

Currently listening: Sensuous by Cornelius (It may be this that has addled my mind)


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