Beef Punk

As the volume of life's seasonal coke advertisement (The Holidays Are Coming!) steadily increases and the celebratory atmosphere conjured by recent Kylie TV and BBC Doctor Who In Need trundles inevitably towards its anticlimactic crescendo, it's time for a quick run-down of recent events that were more edible than a finger lickin' chicken stuffin' sandwich.

With the shocking news that the Co-Op has hired the only man in the country with an accent that can rhyme 'good' with 'food' ringing in our holes, we gathered up all our strength & bits and carefully followed the comics & booze snail-trail through London. We happened upon Kate Moss's Hall of Bush to witness this year's bout of topical Radio 2 comedy, featuring Richard Herring-Not-Hammond & the cruelly discarded, former narrator of 'Celebrity' Hairdoers. This episode featured Rudyard's folly, blasphemous virgin-baiting and an oogedy-boogedy, anti-Semitic slip of the teeth.

Back in Bournemouth the fractured psyche of Bill Bailey took our minds off the horror of Leona's endless bleating sheep. 'Unforeseen circumstances' in Salisbury meant our light supper of folky troubadours was cancelled in favour of a warm buffet of Elizabethan racism. But all was saved by the fabulous and well gay Mika bringing his green love to Wednesdays everywhere. We could all be green, as the big golden angel opened the show from her egg. The evil honk made her presence felt with added xylophone. Big, inflatable girls were indeed beautiful, if a little wonky & handy with their elbows.

Tune in next week for the first, exciting instalment of the Albums of the Year saga.


Currently listening: The Movie by Clare & the Reasons