widg‧et /ˈwɪdʒɪt/ [wij-it] -noun: Pointless ramblings from the New Forest. Obviously complete & utter Rubbish. Why must I contibute to all this endless talk about me? My self-indulgent knees, spilling themselves all over the internet. Obviously i am Jon and his hair, I AM HIM!

Sunday, August 05, 2007


'10' 'facts' about '32'
  • Belgium is the 32nd most hated continent in the Eastern hemisphere.
  • The length in imperial feet of the amputated left toes of all the members of the Bulgarian State Premiership football teams laid end to end is 32.
  • If the Logan's Run laws had not been repealed in 1932 then I would have already been dead for two of Jenny Agutter's years.
  • There are 32 planets in the known universe that all revolve around a small nameless village in Herefordshire, holding hands in groups of three, with their colourful rucksacks. All except Saturn, which has decided to form a breakaway republic with its partner, Robin.
  • 32 is the UK's most legally surprising number, and has an eye for the laydeez.
  • Until last month's cheese mountain disaster, there were only 32 species of Gary.
  • Basingstoke, unlike the rest of the world that makes do with two, has 32 official genders.
  • The average adult male has up to 32 surplus nipples.
  • In episode 32 of Hollyoaks all the 'hot girls' were replaced by root vegetables and nobody noticed the difference.
  • 32 is the only number that makes Carol 'Carol' Vorderman run screaming from the set of Countdown in terror and wee.
  • The number 32 is mathematically more than the number 0.00032, but takes up less space. Spooky.
I am now nearly of the age that Jesus H was at when he got himself all nailed, before escaping with a squirrel named Bunty on their magical, flying skateboard, in order to befuddle the plans of the rampant, Martian Naughty-Dooers. And that is why the lyrics of popular hit-parade conqueror 'Jerusalem' are so weird: "And did those feet in ancient time walk upon England’s mountains green?"

The answer is NO! No, of course not. Even if he had bothered to come to a non-existent-in-them-days England, he would've been on his flying skateboard, therefore no feet anywhere near our pleasant land, green or otherwise. Surely everyone knows that according to 'Jon's fourth epistle to the Trepidations' England was not vexed by the evil of the Naughty-Dooers from Mars, and thus visited and rescued by Jesus & Bunty, until 1967, but by then everyone was too busy itching along to 'The Laughing Gnome' by David Bowie to care.

Happy birthday to me.

Currently listening: An End Has A Start by Editors


Blogger AlphIANo said...

Yes. Good. Happy Thing again... Jesus H Bunty it never ends!

The 32 list was a masterstroke... have you been saving all your good material for this blog?

And yes. It is. Is it? You're old.

10:24 pm

Blogger Jennie-Dee said...

Genius! Bravo! Encore! etc etc.

Can I borrow your Bible? The Salvation Army version of events sounds far more interesting than anything I remember being taught.

10:13 am


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