widg‧et /ˈwɪdʒɪt/ [wij-it] -noun: Pointless ramblings from the New Forest. Obviously complete & utter Rubbish. Why must I contibute to all this endless talk about me? My self-indulgent knees, spilling themselves all over the internet. Obviously i am Jon and his hair, I AM HIM!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

The Decline of Sue Lawley's Ilk

Current Mood: firmly seated

Why? Why? Why? Why must newsreaders prove they have legs?

People moan about the kids of today, but children have always been inherently evil, it's the adults I despair of nowadays. Back in the sixties there was talk of robots doing all our jobs for us. Well, may I suggest that all scientific research is now channelled into getting them to read the news, because humans are obviously useless at it. I like my newscasters to have as little personality as possible, preferably none.

It was bad enough in the good old days with Angela Rippon showing off her pins on 'Morecambe & Wise', or Jan Leeming singing M people songs with the badger parade on 'Harry Hill'. When they weren't (frank) boffing prostitutes in the papers they were dressing up as aliens on 'The Adventure Game' (stand up Moira Stewart, gronda gronda). You could tell they yearned for something more than sitting on their arses & shuffling their bits of paper, but during the bulletins they suppressed their urges, burying them in a deep, dark corner of their soul.

I blame Kirtsy Young and her incessant perching on the desk, during Channel Five's News. It was a slippery slope from then on. Next we got choreographed turns to camera during ITN (perfected during Strictly Come Dancing sessions, I can only assume), laughing, joking & tea-spluttering orgasms on 'Breakfast News'. Even on the BBC's '10 O'Clock News' they can't sit still, constantly getting up to wander in front of confusing and fast moving graphics.

Looking at old news parody programs like 'Brasseye' and 'The Day Today', they're not even funny anymore, just sadly prophetic. You can't tell the bloody difference!

Sit down! Sit down! Sit the arse down!

Currently Listening: Ta-Dah! by Scissor Sisters


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