widg‧et /ˈwɪdʒɪt/ [wij-it] -noun: Pointless ramblings from the New Forest. Obviously complete & utter Rubbish. Why must I contibute to all this endless talk about me? My self-indulgent knees, spilling themselves all over the internet. Obviously i am Jon and his hair, I AM HIM!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Thank You, But NO

Current mood: La la la, I'm not listening!

Is it just me or does any sentence that begins "Is it just me or...?" seem incredibly annoying?

Is it just me or is home improvement cold calling getting more & more pissed-offingly frequent? No, it's not just me. I know this because my brother answered two in quick succession last night. At 8 O'clock in the bloody evening, just as we were settling down to our Indian takeaway and monday night movie, 'Slither', the dreaded ringing began.

"Would you like you phone line waxed, it can get very hairy?"

"I know you're very busy, but can I waste a bit more of your time and ask pointless questions about the cleanliness of your inner thigh, ahem, I mean skirting board?"

"Oh you don't have quadruple-glazing? Well then, I will now verbally torture you until you say yes!"

"Can I just share with you the wonders of stoat-effect kidney paving?"

"Aaaaaahhhhh! Oh I'm sorry, wrong number. Ha, only joking. I'm calling from 'Future Roofing', the next generation of non-slip tiling, for all your free running needs."

"Have you ever thought about how a faux-marble porch may change the way you think about spoons?"

Then, after all the effort of getting out of your seat and picking up the receiver with your own fingers, you try and get a word in to explain that this is a rented property and you're very sorry, but you will have to decline their bizarre & generous offer. The second the dreaded word "rented" has left your lips, you hear a muttered "Oh for fucks sake", a click and they are gone, without so much as a thank you poppet/sorry deary/au revoir mon chéri. Bastards.

Currently listening: I told you, I'm not listening!


Blogger AlphIANo said...

Ha Ha... and they were all from me!

10:59 pm


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